I'm a better ER doctor, but will I pass the test?

I’m scared. Scared I’m going to fail my emergency medicine exam. Worse, I’m scared that the oral portion of it will go so badly that I’ll humiliate myself. Right now, I think of myself as a fairly competent doctor; I’ve worked in several challenging settings and learned a lot along the way. I will always remain humble, but I think I’m a reasonable doctor.On an exam, I’m not 100% sure that my careful real-life practices will come across. There are so many things to know and though I’ve studied my ass off for the past five and a half months, it has been impossible to learn everything that is imminently examinable. My real-life practice of looking things up to double-check the answer is not going to cut it on the exam. It will be me, my pen, and my brain. And I don’t know that it will be enough.If I fail, it will mean the College of Family Physicians of Canada has judged me unfit to work in the ER—something I already do. Bit of a backward system!I have always found it confusing that, in Canada, we put the people with the most qualifications in the cities under one roof, and let those with the least amount of training go out and practise almost by themselves in situations where errors might not get caught and distance magnifies the misses.And while telling all of you that I was writing the exam a few months ago certainly helped to create some peer pressure to study, I’m not thrilled by the prospect of potentially telling people that I have failed. Like most doctors, I haven’t failed at too many things and starting now would, to be blunt, suck.The good news is I will go into the exam knowing that I have given it my all. While working 60 hours per week, I have studied a minimum of 11 hours per week, attended the Canadian Association of Emergency Physicians Conference, done the CASTED course, participated in a weekly two-hour online prep course, done nine shifts at the bigger referral centre in my region, recertified PALS, and done the 40-hour U.S. board prep course. I’ve even downloaded and played the game “Resuscitation” on my phone and pretended that it’s a useful learning tool. I’ve used all of my vacation for the entire year to attend CME and to study. I’ve got nothing left. I’m exhausted! I’m so ready to be done with studying.Pass or fail, I know I’m a much better ER doctor than I was before this torturous summer of studying began. Hopefully, my new-found knowledge will benefit a few patients along the way. But I also really never want to work this hard again! If I undertake any educational pursuits in the next two years, please feel free to stage an intervention.Dr. Sarah Giles is a family physician practising in the Northwest Territories.

I'm a better ER doctor, but will I pass the test?

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Sarah Giles