Men in Canada are facing a crisis of loneliness: Here’s what their doctors should know

In a world abuzz with texts, pings, chats, and digital friends and endless “connections,” many Canadian men feel anything but connected—reporting rising levels of isolation and distress, leading to what some are calling a “Male Loneliness Epidemic.”As a recent Canadian Men’s Health Foundation study reported, half of men feel socially isolated, and half lack sufficient social support networks. The findings were particularly concerning for younger men (ages 19 to 29), racialized men, and men living alone—all of whom reported higher rates of social isolation and lower rates of accessing care. Statistics Canada data indicate that 17% of men rate their mental health as poor or fair.As the trend becomes for more prominent, some new programs are emerging to help. Ontario and Family Service Ontario recently announced Men’s Counselling Link, which offers men across Ontario free, confidential counselling, 24-7 by dialing 2-1-1.“We know men want help, but there is still a lot of shame around asking for it. They need a place that makes that ask easy,” said Susan Somogyi, CEO of Family Service Ontario, in a release.And while some point out that men are hardly alone in these struggles—with women facing their own crisis of disconnectedness—experts say the nature and consequences of male loneliness are distinct. For example, men account for roughly 75% of suicides across the country, with more than 50 dying by suicide each week, according to the Mental Health Commission of Canada. And men’s reluctance to seek help means the symptoms can go unnoticed and escalate.John Ogrodniczuk (PhD), a professor of psychiatry at University of British Columbia and director of the UBC psychotherapy program, prefers the term “loneliness among men” to “male loneliness,” acknowledging that loneliness is a problem that can affect anyone. “There is still a stigma around seeking help for mental health for men or talking about loneliness,” said Ogrodniczuk, also founder of HeadsUpGuys.org, a website focused on men’s mental health, suicide prevention and finding a therapist. In his own practice, he notes, “Guys will say ‘I don't really have anyone in my life I can count on’; ‘It feels like no one cares about me.’ They also may be angry. When guys are struggling, they don't know necessarily how to communicate that and get to the point where they get angry with others because people aren't seeing that they're in pain. And loneliness can feel very painful. They say, ‘Why the f--- can’t the people in my life see how much pain I am in?’ They may think they are giving signals, and they may interpret those signals not being picked up as a sign people not caring about them.”Digital distancing: how the age of the internet created less connectionOgrodniczuk points to social media and a world gone digital as primary causes of the loneliness epidemic.“You can really see how our social life has been leeched away from us because so much of our life is taking place in the digital space. Streaming services and food delivery apps promote the safety and convenience of staying home. Almost like they want to keep us single and friendless.”Social media also promotes ideas of competence and perfection that are unattainable.Ogrodniczuk says that many he treats “have a fundamental sense of self that one is not good enough. For a lot of people, it ends up with social anxiety—fear of being found out as not good enough—feeling shame and fear of rejection and ridicule.”Speaking particularly of younger men, he says, “They want that connection but are afraid of it at the same time. This happens for so many people and think about how boys are trained to be men—stoicism, self-reliance, etc.—and can result in not feeling understood. It’s existential isolation—'no one gets me, I’m on this journey alone'.”Ogrodniczuk points out that while every age of men can experience loneliness, recent data shows, perhaps surprisingly, it’s young men who are experiencing the most.“Until fairly recently, loneliness was seen as something that particularly affects an older age cohort and loneliness is quite prevalent with more advanced age. But the reality is loneliness cuts across the entire age spectrum, and there’s a shockingly high rate of loneliness among young adults. Lots of data is being collected on post-secondary campuses, where people are surrounded by literally tens of thousands of others. Younger generations might be a little bit more open to having conversations with others in a way that men from older generations wouldn't, but they’re still affected, isolated in their own internal experiences.”Certain cultural practices appear to keep loneliness at bay, says Ogrodniczuk. For example, he says in his Vancouver neighbourhood immigrant men from India regularly gather outdoors for camaraderie and connection. "Other cultures, like Chinese and Western, can be more individualistic and competitive, lending themselves to unwanted isolation among men.”Loneliness as an independent risk factorRob Whitley (PhD), is a professor in the department of psychiatry at McGill University and principal investigator at Social Psychiatry Research and Interest Group (SPRING) at the Douglas Research Centre in Montreal. He has studied men’s mental health and loneliness among men extensively.“We do know from various epidemiological studies that loneliness is an independent risk factor for depression. It's also risk factor for suicide for substance use disorder and for various other mental health outcomes,” he said.Contributing to loneliness among men, he says, is that more and more men are living alone, marrying later, having fewer children and working remotely. “Fewer people are going to church, going to synagogue, participating in public libraries or volunteering. They are less involved in the community."Drinks after work: a changing work climate makes hanging out with peers trickierWhitley also notes that newer legislation and social norms related to what constitutes harassment or what is deemed inappropriate behaviour can result in more isolation. “In older days, it was much more common for colleagues to invite other colleagues to go for a drink after work or to go for lunch together. Now there's a bit more of a culture of concern that that might be seen as inappropriate behaviour, especially for a man initiates it to female colleagues—or even, there've been cases where people have said ’this man is an alcoholic, he is encouraging people to go drinking after work.’”Whitley agrees that it is younger men who are suffering equally or more than older men. “One of the hypotheses is that as people get older, they have more cognitive skills, and they become more comfortable being alone and appreciating solitude,” said Whitley. “For men 18 to 35, having social networks, enjoying nightlife, going to clubs, playing sports with other men is considered a kind of rite of passage and it's kind of highly stigmatized if you're not participating in those activities.”Pick-up artists: toxic substitutes for communityIn 2020, Whitley published a paper on men and the seduction community: Communities led by professional “pick-up artist” instructors who teach various aspects of “game” to eager young men in the community. Whitley’s research found that the community appears to fill a void by providing a place of hope, fellowship and learning for young (often immigrant) men. He found that for men, it was often more about combatting loneliness and experiencing social inclusion than picking up women.“A lot of the men said in the study, the reason that they enjoy this seduction community was not necessarily to meet women, but because they said they lacked a lot of the social and communication skills that would allow them to make friends. In their own words, they said they were kind of nerds, often living in their parents’ basement. They never had any success making male or female friends. And they therefore they Googled how do I make a friend, and they said these communities would always pop up in the top Google searches.”Given the recent popularity of self-proclaimed pick-up artists like Andrew Tate, who promotes misogynistic views and a "hyper-macho" lifestyle online, Whitley says, “Nature abhors of vacuum. There's a reason so many men are kind of following him and following his advice. I think that's a complete lack of acknowledgement of the issues that young men are facing, and consistent with that, a lack of acknowledgement of the lack of services and supports to help these men.”Worse, he says is that some of these communities can actually increase loneliness, validating the perception that the world is a dark place where nobody cares and where you have to be hyper-masculine. “If we don't provide alternatives then that's kind of a natural consequence.”Social prescribing: finding programs men and boys will actually use In his book, Men’s Issues and Men’s Mental Health: An Introductory Primer, Whitley writes that services are in place for those in acute mental health crises, with hospitals, clinics and medications. But there is a dearth of needed resources for more chronic issues like depression and loneliness, which often have a deeper and longer road to recovery.“The worst thing you can do is create a program and market it as a solution to depression or loneliness. Due to stigma, men don't really like going to psychiatric hospitals or mental health clinics for programs and they drop out pretty quickly or just not go in the first place,” he said. He suggests instead funded, long-term programs based on sports, wilderness outings, military reserve models, mental boot camps, etc., where men can build camaraderie, like Men’s Sheds Canada, where men work on projects together in the community. For youth, he says, programs can also provide much-needed mentorship.“Social prescribing is an excellent model to help men and women who are lonely, especially for those who particularly like to be physically active and like to be involved in sports or other hobbies.”Whitley feels social prescribing is not yet being harnessed for mental health in Canada. “I think doctors and those who have the opportunity to prescribe socially could really help people with depression and anxiety and loneliness. There are many different places and spaces that could be prescribed, including sports programs and gyms, and I feel that there’s an opportunity for innovation to expand and consolidate different programs.”

Men in Canada are facing a crisis of loneliness: Here’s what their doctors should know

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