The immigrants

It is said that a crow admired the way pigeons walked, so he decided to change his walk to resemble that of the pigeon. He tried and tried until he was exhausted, but he couldn’t learn it. So he decided to return to his own walk, but he had forgotten it, ended up losing both ways of walking.Two homelandsMany people think that having two homelands is a privilege and blessing, but they do not know the reality. Even immigrants themselves once believed it would be good for them and bring success to their lives, but that is not always the case. When the truth becomes clear and when one lives the situation, the mental exhaustion, sadness, loss of belonging and pain are far greater than many imagine, leading to a questionable identity, feeling of emptiness or even isolation.The reasons for immigration vary from person to person. Some migrate for political reasons, others for economic reasons and some for personal reasons. In the end, many agree that the main reason for immigration is to find a safe homeland with basic levels of freedom, justice, security and opportunities for a comfortable life.My focus is on the eastern immigrants who came from countries very different in culture and lifestyle to the West, which embraced them with open arms. These immigrants are expected to live, adapt and integrate into a new homeland that has now become their own. (And when I say eastern immigrants I’m referring to everyone who didn’t come from Western Europe or North America.)Read: Dr. Jabir Jassam: Between Hana and Mana, our income has goneYears passYears pass, and the immigrants find themselves scattered between two countries: their first homeland and their new one, which welcomed them, provided security, freedom and job opportunities. The immigrants start to feel torn between the two—unable to separate from their old homeland and yet unable to fully integrate into their new country. The biggest problem is that people in their first homeland no longer see them as one of their own, and those in the new country do not see them as truly belonging to them either.The immigrant becomes like a song with eastern lyrics and a western melody—neither the East considers it as belonging to them, nor does the West. It doesn’t captivate either side, even if it is a beautiful song with deep artistic meaning.Years pass. The struggle, pain and suffering continue. The immigrants find themselves unable to detach from the past because their roots are there, and unable to detach from the present because their branches and leaves are here. Their tree begins to wither, despite its green appearance, and their roots begin to rot, despite their depth and good health.They become like that child who excitedly catches a thief, bigger in age and size than him, trying to rob their home. The child screams to his father: “Dad, I caught the thief!” The father says: “Bring him here.” The child replies: “He refuses to come.” The father says: “Leave him then.” The child replies: “He refuses to let me go.”Out of placeWhen the immigrant visits their family back home and sits with their friends, they feel out of place; like a stranger among them, and their family and friends feel the same way too. Their presence no longer holds any significance, and their absence has become the norm. They then feel the urge to return to their second homeland, only to find themselves a stranger once more, and no one cares about their presence, as if their absence is just as natural. They then long for their original homeland, and the suffering continues. They become like the walking dead—no one cares about their existence in either place. They find themselves wondering, with deep sadness and pain, whether after both homelands rejected them in life, they will also reject their bodies after death, leaving them with no place to be buried.A woman’s sorrowI can never forget that woman who spoke to me with deep sorrow and touching tears, about her return to her old homeland to visit her family. Her country was going through a political crisis, and everyone was discussing the situation there. She voiced her opinion but found everyone ignoring her. When she tried to make her voice heard, someone told her, “You don’t understand what is going on because you are no longer living here.” When she insisted on sharing her thoughts, a relative asked her to close her mouth, saying her opinion no longer mattered and did not align with their country’s vision—yes, “their” country, implying that it was no longer hers.The woman was truly sad and said, “I feel lost.” She added, “I was once having a conversation with someone here in my new homeland. He looked at me and asked, ‘Where are you from?’ I said, ‘I’m from here.’ He replied, ‘I mean, which country did you come from?’ I said, ‘From such-and-such country.’ He then asked, ‘When did you come here?’ I answered, ‘Thirty years ago.’ She said he mumbled words she did not understand and continued talking.”That woman is not the only one who suffers from blurring identity. Thousands of people feel that their original homeland is trying to push them away, while their new homeland refuses to fully integrate them. Sometimes, even pushes them in a different direction. The people from their original country say, “Go to your new country” when something goes wrong and people from their new homeland say, “Go back to your original homeland” when things do not go right. Thus, after once believing they had two homelands, some immigrants end up feeling like they have none. One day, I asked someone with a blurred identity: “Why don’t you change your definition of ‘homeland’ within you, to feel more at peace?” He replied: “How can I do that? Is not there only one definition of a homeland?” I said: “Yes, give up the idea of ‘land and belonging.’ Define your homeland as any place where you feel respected, safe and have job opportunities. Searching for a place to belong to is like searching for a guiding star in the sky—it will disappear when the sun rises and the light becomes visible.”I deeply feel and know that redefining the concept of “homeland,’” doesn’t stop the waves of nostalgia or the pangs of love, for first love always remains in the heart and memory. I started advising some of my patients when they come for travel consult, knowing they would return to their original homeland, that they shouldn’t let their hearts be troubled by what they hear and shouldn’t be saddened if their opinion is dismissed or angry if they are asked to be silent. They should expect that they would feel lonely and strange among their family and friends, and they should remember that they are from here when they are there, and when they return here, they should forget they are from there. Perhaps this will lessen the painful, rugged path of feeling lost.Dr. Jabir Jassam is a family physician in Ottawa.

The immigrants

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